I'm losing it. I'm struggling to maintain any thought process that will keep me moving forward.
It hurts so much to think.
Thinking only leads to problems and disappointments and pain.
Something has to change and soon. I can't continue this path.
I thought I was finally going somewhere in life
(where I did not know) but ,
I feel now that everyday I live is a complete failure.
DEPRESSION
- a mental state characterized by a pessimistic sense of inadequacy and a despondent lack of activity
- a long-term economic state characterized by unemployment and low prices and low levels of trade and investment
- natural depression: a sunken or depressed geological formation
- sad feelings of gloom and inadequacy
- a period during the 1930s when there was a worldwide economic depression and mass unemployment
- low: an air mass of lower pressure; often brings precipitation; "a low moved in over night bringing sleet and snow"
- depressive disorder: a state of depression and anhedonia so severe as to require clinical intervention
- a concavity in a surface produced by pressing; "he left the impression of his fingers in the soft mud"
- angular distance below the horizon (especially of a celestial object)
- pushing down; "depression of the space bar on the typewriter"
It's not a new concept in my life. It is one that i have dealt with for quite some time. It does seem to have the ability to overwhelm me and catch me off guard to a point that by the time I catch myself I'm already near the end of a dark road with no sign of light.
reality based influences ,in no particular order: Iraq(me being is said place), the low morale of others here, missing my wife, lack of communication with said wife,1 year anniversary coming up which I have spent 10 months of it here away from her, money and lack there of. which coincides with lack there of a stable economy, my falling out of shape ...havent gained a pound but now im fat. There are probably lots more but those stick out.
Now not to goes as far as describing my constant mental state, I am most certainly with out a doubt a suffurer of clinical depression . I get really high then fall really low. Usualy i can ride these waves with ease. But sometimes the high never comes back...well eventualy it does and so does so called "
normality". but at times like these it never seems to come soon enough.
So where does that leave me... I dont know
