ok

OH, don't worry 'bout me.
Everything is better.
My wife(now ex) wrote me an email and she is leaving me.
What a beautiful aniversary gift thanks darling.
I will always remember.

AS OF THIS VERY MOMENT I INVOKE MY RIGHT TO BURN MOON BOOTS

I'm losing it.

I'm struggling to maintain any thought process that will keep me moving forward.
It hurts so much to think.
Thinking only leads to problems and disappointments and pain.
Something has to change and soon. I can't continue this path.
I thought I was finally going somewhere in life
(where I did not know) but ,
I feel now that everyday I live is a complete failure.


DEPRESSION

• a mental state characterized by a pessimistic sense of inadequacy and a despondent lack of activity
• a long-term economic state characterized by unemployment and low prices and low levels of trade and investment
• natural depression: a sunken or depressed geological formation
• sad feelings of gloom and inadequacy
• a period during the 1930s when there was a worldwide economic depression and mass unemployment
• low: an air mass of lower pressure; often brings precipitation; "a low moved in over night bringing sleet and snow"
• depressive disorder: a state of depression and anhedonia so severe as to require clinical intervention
• a concavity in a surface produced by pressing; "he left the impression of his fingers in the soft mud"
• angular distance below the horizon (especially of a celestial object)
• pushing down; "depression of the space bar on the typewriter"

It's not a new concept in my life. It is one that i have dealt with for quite some time. It does seem to have the ability to overwhelm me and catch me off guard to a point that by the time I catch myself I'm already near the end of a dark road with no sign of light.

reality based influences ,in no particular order: Iraq(me being is said place), the low morale of others here, missing my wife, lack of communication with said wife,1 year anniversary coming up which I have spent 10 months of it here away from her, money and lack there of. which coincides with lack there of a stable economy, my falling out of shape ...havent gained a pound but now im fat. There are probably lots more but those stick out.


Now not to goes as far as describing my constant mental state, I am most certainly with out a doubt a suffurer of clinical depression . I get really high then fall really low. Usualy i can ride these waves with ease. But sometimes the high never comes back...well eventualy it does and so does so called "normality". but at times like these it never seems to come soon enough.

So where does that leave me... I dont know

Dead burnt bodies ....just to get some fuel. That's diesel
on the ground. They broke the pipeline to get fuel, then
they blew up.





All we hear here is that the U.S. is fucked: the economy is fucked, gas prices are never going to quit rocketing , jobs are non existent and in my opinion another great sent of worthless candidates are in the running for president. All i get is the news here and that's not really a reliable source, I know this personally. I read the news of what goes on here and think when did that happen, where did they get their numbers, oh really I sat out side and watched it, thats not what my "sources" say..... (exact factual data). So how is it living in the black, blue and failing .

140 with no clothes on

s o
I thought I was going to waste an hour or two of my life(well isn't that all I'm doing here) by going to see Dane Cook at an U.S.O show today. I was a bit surprised by his performance, not the typical Dane that I've seen on TV/movies . He was way less annoying , so much less that I did not even once think load my weapon .
I still got up and went outside half way or less through his show. I did though accomplish what i had set out to do! which was to score an autograph or something for some skank. I couldn't figure out anything for him to sign so I brought a shitty picture and had him write "dumbass" and sign it. I also
got a little video of him saying "hi" to my ex ho. I called her afterwards , she didnt care.
Did that "!" fuck you up? I promise I was not excited

I'm beginning to think I am a very bad person. Some might find it hard to believe other might think it but no one has a clue of what I am speaking of. As i bounce from happy to sad, happy to sad, I start to think and think I must not.

pause break STOP.....


GO

Oh well, i need to go to work I'll finish this later

So it is a bit latter but i have decided to stop the madness and save this problem for a day, preferably never, down the road.

i love thunderstorms

Vic(guy smoking): ...I smoke Marlboros. Funnily enough, I smoke them because I like the taste.

Robyn: They’re the ones that have the lone cowboy ads, aren’t they?

Vic: I suppose that makes me a repressed homosexual, does it?

So i made this "blog" today. I really don't have much time to write anything of substance at this moment . I made it a month with out chewing my nails but sadly enough I did today. If you stood in the sun it was 120 F today.

-nate